"Baby Reindeer," a powerful autobiographical Netflix show by Richard Gadd, offers a raw and unflinching look into the complexities of male sexual abuse and the lingering effects of trauma. Gadd recounts his harrowing experience with a female stalker who initially appeared in his life as a supportive presence during a vulnerable moment. However, this relationship quickly devolved into a nightmare as her obsession grew increasingly intrusive and violent. Furthermore, it also shows the compounded trauma Gadd experiences due to past sexual abuse he was subjected to at the hands of a TV writer earlier in his career, leaving him grappling with feelings of betrayal and confusion.
The series documents Gadd's emotional turmoil, the difficulty he faced in seeking help, and the pervasive societal stigmas that often prevent male victims from coming forward. His candid portrayal underscores the deep-seated shame, fear, and isolation that many male survivors endure. Through "Baby Reindeer," Gadd not only shares his personal story but also sparks a broader conversation about the urgent need to address and dismantle the stigmas surrounding male sexual abuse.
The show premiered on Netflix in April 2024 and received 85.5 million viewers, making it 10th on Netflix's all-time list of most-viewed shows. Many applauded the series for speaking out about the difficulties men encounter in denouncing experiences of sexual abuse. In describing the show, Harry Brocklehurst of The Tab said it was 'deeply unsettling and very moving' to watch.
Unfortunately, Gadd's experience is not an isolated one and recent government statistics estimate that 75,000 men are victims of sexual violence or attempted sexual abuse, with 9000 of these being cases of rape or attempted rape. However, the statistics show fewer than 3000 of these offences were reported to the police. The low levels of reporting can be explained by the existing stigma that men speaking out about sexual abuse will cause them to be no longer viewed as 'a real man' or that their experiences will not be believed. This hesitation to speak out is demonstrated in the scene where Gadd tells his parents, and fears that they would think less of him. This scene is particularly powerful as Gadd's father also reveals that he, too, was a victim of sexual abuse.
A man giving his testimony to Survivors UK, an online helpline for male sexual abuse victims, echoes Gadd's feelings, saying that in his own experience, he had 'buried the trauma so deep', and it acted as a 'huge weight inside' of him. However, since speaking out and accessing support, he has been able to 'rescue' himself.
The NHS has highlighted the importance of male survivors speaking out and accessing support. They have recently reminded that they provide a confidential service offering medical and emotional support, regardless of whether the survivor wishes to pursue legal action. Associations and charities specialised in supporting male victims are also becoming increasingly common. They are growing on a national scale to ensure that male survivors feel able to report their experiences and access support.
The Male Survivors Partnership was founded in 2012 as an organisation to support male victims and has worked over the years to improve recognition and funding. Today, they have become a parent association to many other organisations supporting men subjected to abuse, and they continue their work to grow and ensure that male survivors are recognised and supported on a local, regional, and national level.
In giving his testimony to ManKind, an association working with male victims of domestic abuse, Justin said he told his story 'to illustrate one point' that survivors don't 'have a gender and nor do pain and misery'. Looking back, he said at the time of the abuse, he thought 'I feel like there's no one I can tell, so I do what I always did: I take it on the chin, keep quiet, and walk on... "just like a man". Ed, another survivor, further admitted to ManKind that, like Gadd, the abuse 'would affect my confidence in everyday life, causing huge feelings of shame, guilt, self-disgust, and powerlessness, which I still struggle with now'; however, since seeking help, he is 'now working in long-term therapy to absolve these issues, feeling much better, and moving forward' with his life.
Despite the work of associations, there remains a need to normalise male survivors speaking out and to improve accessibility to support systems. The “Baby Reindeer” series marks a significant step toward a more inclusive and supportive environment for all victims of abuse, and plays a crucial role in sparking a national conversation, shining a light on the often-overlooked experiences of male victims.
If you are a male victim of abuse and you are looking for support, you are not alone. Please see the helplines below.
E. Bieler
Helplines :
NHS – Can provide support through counselling services as well as medical care e.g. a forensic examination, blood tests and advice about sexual health and HIV medication. The NHS do not oblige police involvement and remain a confidential service.
Survivors UK – online helpline for men over the age of 18 who want to talk about rape or sexual abuse - https://www.survivorsuk.org
ManKind + Men’s Advice Line – helplines and support for men experiencing domestic violence and abuse - https://mankind.org.uk + https://mensadviceline.org.uk
National Male Survivors Helpline – emotional support via phone, email or text message for male survivors - 0808 800 5005
Male Survivors Partnership – support for men subjected to sexual harassment or abuse - https://malesurvivor.co.uk/about-us/
Sources:
Comments