Writing a blog post directed at men poses a difficult task, especially since I am not one myself. As a woman sometimes engaging in conversations about manhood or boyhood with those who identify with these experiences can feel fraught. It can come across as though I’m trying to somehow catch them out, trapping them into saying something slightly sexist or provocative, as an excuse to launch into a feminist rant.
However, this is not my intention here. I want to use this blog to create a constructive dialogue between women and men, NOT arguments. I want to try and create a space for mutual understanding as I have noticed a growing resentment surfacing between women and men. I believe that by talking and listening to one another we can bridge this divide and progress towards a society that truly benefits everyone.
In this first blog post, I am going to discuss something that has been of increasing concern to me as well as any other women in my circles and across social media; the emergence of and worrying omnipresence of male political or social media figures who promote harmful and misogynistic messages. And, of even more concern: the huge following these men wield, positioning them as role models for countless young boys and men.
One shining example would be Donald Trump and his recent re-election as US President. The message from this election result rings loud and clear: You can be openly misogynistic, racist and xenophobic, hell, you can be accused of 34 crimes and have 26 different women publicly accuse you of sexual assault if you really like! And despite all of this you can still be elected President for the second time, granted one of the most, if not the most, powerful political positions in the world.
Andrew Tate is another figure that springs to mind. The social media influencer and businessman has been accused of numerous counts of sexual assault, rape and human trafficking, yet still boasts a following of 10 million followers on X. Studies have shown that one in six boys aged 6-15 in the UK have a “positive view” of this man and 1 in 8 boys in the same age category agree with his views on women.
Both Tate and Trump have a huge platform (Trump has over 95 million followers on X). They both take advantage of the desire for those who feel powerless to feel powerful, and for those who feel lonely to feel supported. They are role models for so many young men and so many boys.
And this is terrifying for young girls and women. Some boys claim not to buy into Tate’s misogynistic comments and instead claim to support him for his “other stuff”. But still, women and girls find themselves as students in classrooms, forced to hear young men echoing Tate’s sexist rhetoric. Female teachers find themselves having to mark homework where boys in their class have left scribbles like “M.M.A.S” (Make Me a Sandwich) on their papers.
Maybe it is just a “joke”, maybe young men and boys don’t really believe what they say. Maybe it is just a phase. But it’s hard to dismiss these behaviours as harmless when, at the same time, we’re constantly reading news stories about another man accused of sexual assault or yet another woman killed by a man. These murders are often underreported, even though a woman is killed by a man every three days in the UK. It therefore difficult not to feel fear that these so-called “harmless” words could quickly escalate into harmful actions.
In his (somewhat reassuring) article for the Guardian, Freddie Feltham explores Andrew Tate’s appeal to young men and why he feels responsible as a young man to take on this issue. Feltham writes, ‘too often, it’s the people who aren’t the target audience who feel compelled to speak up – often women’. He urges young men to take responsibility and have conversations amongst themselves about what is harmful about attitudes such as Tate’s towards women. I agree with Feltham because I think men discussing these issues amongst themselves is the only way that large-scale change is going to take place. Young boys who are convinced by what Andrew Tate has to say about women are not going to listen to a woman telling them that Andrew Tate is wrong. The message needs to come from other men first, men who they can respect.
Earlier this year, the Labour Party introduced plans to help schools develop programs with young male mentors, designed to teach students how to critically question the sexist content they encounter on social media from so-called “role models” like Tate. I believe this is the right path forward. We need male mentors who actively advocate for gender equality, challenge boys to confront misogynistic rhetoric, and provide an alternative male role model—one that is constructive, positive, non-judgemental and grounded in respect. I just hope this gets implemented soon.
I asked the men in my life what they thought made a good male role model. They mentioned values including respect, integrity, emotional intelligence, kindness and social responsibility. They also mentioned positive male role models such as Steven Bartlett, Rafael Nadal, Tom Hanks and (my personal favourite) David Attenborough.
By drawing attention to these types of individuals and fostering conversations that encourage men to embody their positive values, the spotlight can shift away from negative male role models like Tate and Trump. This could enable men and boys to grow up with positive male role models who uplift and inspire them in ways that aren’t at the expense of women. In turn, both men and women can break free from this cycle of resentment and live in a more supportive and respective dynamic.
- F. Coull
Sources:
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/us/toxic-masculinity.html https://open.spotify.com/episode/6ytJpvgcuNKxSaZvDzpQJE?si=48233cece4c64041
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